Him/Her

I wrote you a love poem, girl, although we’re done, I know
Just because you said good-bye doesn’t mean I have to go
Why don’t you take a breather and try to think this through
I’m not that bad of guy, and I just wanna be with you
What’s so wrong with that, dear, just to wanna be with you?

You’re being awful sweet; you know how to make me smile
You got a way with words, boy, but begging’s not your style
We had a lot of fun and you treat me right, it’s true
You’re not that bad of guy, but I ain’t crazy about you
I wish you all the best; but I’m not in love with you

Now hang on, wait a second, girl, look where you’re leavin’ me.
I haven’t showered, haven’t worked, and I haven’t ate a thing
I lie awake all night now; not shaved in a week or two
The sun don’t shine a sliver and I just wanna be with you
Am I really such a nutcase just to wanna be with you?

Don’t put words in my mouth, now, I never called you names
I would of thought you’d be above playing all these little games
You’ve got a lot for someone, so someone will have to do
But as for this girl, she’s just not that into you
It was nice for awhile, but I am not in love with you

We were so great together, you must be missing me

No, I don’t miss your scruff, your ink, your kisses; not a thing

So the whole thing was a lie?

Well, now you know the truth

From today until I die, I just wanna be with you

I got nothing else to say except I’m not in love with you.

The Barracuda Mouth

Roll on into the Barracuda Mouth, where you’ll be spoon fed, strip searched, and by God you will get the cure for what ails. Welcome! We’re glad you’re here.

Yes, here it is, the Barracuda Mouth – come as you are and leave even better. Ask what you want, what can’t we give? Ice cubes in milk, propellers on bicycles, fire in the hole and hair on your chest – all’s fair in love, war, and the Barracuda Mouth. No stupid questions, no wrong answers, no lonely nights. No pain.

Listen to what the people are saying.

“Whatever you’re looking for, the Barracuda Mouth is it.”
-Dr. Steve Speller - St Paul, MN.

“I’ve been around for a long time, and I’ve never seen anything as good as the Barracuda Mouth.”
-Chev Chancellor, Chicago, IL


“I am the Barracuda Mouth.”
-God


Wave your dirty laundry like the national flag. Show off the chinks in your armor like medals of honor and make love to the skeletons in your closet. At the Barracuda Mouth, your fallen angels will kick off their heels on dance on pianos. Ask what you want. What can’t we give?

We’ve got banjos, baritones, saxophones, telephones, dirt roads, army clothes, halfway homes, lawn gnomes, funny bones, cyclones, horn toads, afros, hobos, tacos, and the world’s largest freestanding fence post! That’s the Barracuda Mouth guarantee, and our word is our bond is our blood.

It’s the place to be, the hot spot, the sensation sweeping the nation. What’s behind doors numbers one through three, at the end of the rainbow, and behind the music. It’s the fountain of whatever you like. It’s where you never grow old. Its flame burns eternal. Drink and never thirst again.

So, next time you’re looking for a good time, the Barracuda Mouth is your one-stop, never-go-again destination. Don’t forget, Tuesday nights is karaoke nights.

Wrong Guess

She woke me just a little when she got back into bed, but woke me up more when she blew her nose with a little puff. My eyelid split open enough to watch her tuck the tissue into her waistband against her thigh, collect the covers in her fists, pull them up to her shoulder, and lay back down as she said something I didn’t catch. So I guessed (wrongly, as I found out the next morning) and said, “love you too.”