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How we grasp and long for anything that lasts! Not fixed - the horrific cousin to lasting; the stale madness of repetition - but lasting, stability. And how few things in life offer it! We strive for anything that makes any sort of promise at all, and stick our talons into it, wrap our lips around it like a baby at a mother's breast. And yet, as if God Himself were set against us finding something lasting (and why on earth shouldn't He?) everything that looks stable flounders, tilts, wobbles, and eventually explodes - like wine glasses at the opera.
The thing I want most to last right now seems to be running low on fuel, perhaps puttering to a halt - and then, nothingness. If I've endured anything more difficult, I don't remember it. The hope is that there is something here that I'll remember later on - 'forever' is a term for the great life to come. Here, it is a whisper, a 'maybe,' a hoping against hope. In the meantime, there is something to be said for delaying your happiness, to abstain from what you could acquire, to cultivate a sense of longing.
More on that later. For now, I am tired and sad. If you pray, pray for me. Thank-you.